A phase of grief
Depression is a perfectly normal phase of grief. Without getting into the technical definitions of what depression is, and without wanting to offend those who suffer from severe or chronic depression, my ‘depression’ took the form of an extended period of feeling extremely sad. Naturally, if you lose someone you care about and are grieving, you are going to experience a range of emotions and these will come and go.
Significant dates were triggers
For me, I had been grieving for ten months before I can identify that the depression phase of grieving had arrived. It lasted three months, triggered by Christmas, my mother’s birthday falling in January, and the anniversary of her death in February. It sneaked up on me and before I knew it had taken up residence pretty firmly.
I was able to rationalise the cause of my depression, but the most scary thing was that I didn’t know if it was going to go away. After six weeks I did contemplate going to my GP, but I didn’t want to take antidepressants; each of us has to do what we feel right in the circumstances. If you are struggling, it really would be a good idea to see your GP or to consult a bereavement counsellor. Your GP may well refer you for counselling; bear in mind that if they do, there may be a waiting list. If you can afford private counselling, you may get quicker access to a counsellor. There are charities, such as Cruse Bereavement Care, that can help too.
Effect on work
During the depression period I didn’t cope at all well with work. I felt either very low or very sensitised to everything and by this time it was becoming increasing clear that my job was at risk. Furthermore, on top of this I no longer had access to a management coach.
I coped better when I was busy and had specific tasks to do, but because my boss was involving me in less and less, which meant some extended periods of working at home alone, I struggled to feel motivated. Sometimes I found myself completely incapable of functioning and at times felt completely isolated. I felt unable to reach out to anyone for support but at the same time didn’t want to take time off sick and deprive myself of a reason for getting up everyday.
Exercise and coaching helped
Once the anniversary of my mother’s death passed and we started to head into Spring, my depression lifted almost as quickly as the cloud had descended. It didn’t lift entirely on its own. I started to exercise every day, which really helped, and commissioned a private coach (Julia Fell) specifically to help with my confidence and resilience.
People around me had noticed I was down too, so it began to get easier to talk to others and get help from colleagues, friends and family. I naturally gravitated towards those I knew would be supportive when I was finding work particularly difficult. I think managers need to be hyper-vigilant to this phase of the grieving process. It may occur many months after the actual bereavement, but it is the phase at which the individual is most at risk of losing all motivation for work, especially if under pressure. It’s at this time that the individual will particularly need positive feedback and encouragement to continue through the tough times.
Grief is temporary
Grief is very likely to affect performance. For most of us it is not a permanent state, but it may take some time to work through. Conscientious employees will be aware that they are not functioning at optimum capacity and this can exacerbate the pressure they feel under to perform and ‘not let the side down’. It’s essential for employers to create an environment where the individual feels comfortable to admit that they are struggling, and for co-workers to understand the fluidity of grief.