What’s the best approach?
I have been asked questions such as ‘What’s the difference between coaching and counselling?’ and ‘We offer counselling – why would we need to offer coaching?’ so it’s clear that there is some uncertainty around how to best use these two approaches for support.
It’s not really a case of either/or. Counselling is particularly effective when individuals are having difficulty coming to terms with their bereavement, when they are overwhelmed by the feelings that they may encounter going through the stages of grief: denial, anger, depression, or feelings such as guilt and remorse.
Coaching has a workplace focus
Whilst bereavement counselling will help individuals in general cope with everyday life better, counsellors are not, in the main, focusing on improving workplace performance. Coaching has a specific aim to assist the individual to deal with the residual impact of bereavement on issues which affect performance in the long term, such as a loss of confidence, motivation or purpose. It will be most effective once the individual has had some time to adjust to their bereavement.
From my observations when managing the bereaved and my own experience, I know that after the initial stage of bereavement, when individuals are settled back at work, there’s a phase where we are functioning rather than performing, and this can go on for some time. People have told me stories about colleagues who have been struggling with work a year after their bereavement. This isn’t unusual, as we encounter all sorts of triggers along the way which reignite our grief: birthdays, Christmas, the first anniversary of the death, and a multitude of other reminders which keep us in a place where we feel vulnerable and unsteady.
The importance of employer support
If we get good support from those around us we may traverse these times without the need for external input. In our reader’s story Why Good Management Matters, the reader recounts two experiences of bereavement and the impact of two very different management styles. In the first instance, the reader doesn’t appear to have needed any outside counsel, whereas in the second instance the lack of support has a devastating impact on the individual’s ability to cope.
So, as an employer looking to support an individual back to optimum performance after a bereavement, my advice would be:
- Ensure that line managers understand the impact of grief and have a compassionate approach to dealing with it
- If an individual seems to be struggling with coping in general in the early stages of their bereavement, consider offering bereavement counselling or encourage the individual to seek counselling through other channels such as their GP or charities that offer counselling, such as Cruse in the UK
- If there seems to be a longer term impact on performance consider coaching for both the individual and line manager.